Review: GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

[Scott Mendelson]

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
2009
118 minutes
Rated PG-13

by Scott Mendelson

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a movie that remembers the very basics
that so many big-budget action films have forgotten. The action scenes
are creative and cleanly edited with a clear sense of time, space, and
geography. While there is plenty of CGI vehicle destruction, there are
also plenty of real stunts and real rough-and-tumble fight scenes. The
heroes are engaging and distinguishable amidst the carnage, and the
villains are appropriately colorful and entertaining. At its best, the
film resembles what adventures you might create if you took your
action figure play sets and gave them a $175 million budget to work
with. And yes, I mean that as a compliment.

A token amount of plot - Following a prologue set in France in 1641
(no kidding...), the film opens in that oh-so-convenient 'not-so
distant future'. Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are
entrusted with delivering a new 'nanobot' weapon created by arms
merchant McCullen (a terrifically scenery-chewing Christopher
Eccleston). Little do they know that the Scottish Tony Stark is
playing both sides, and they are soon ambushed by a terrorist
organization bent on stealing the weapon for their own nefarious
purposes. At the last minute, rescue comes in the form on an elite
group of international fighting men and women. Known only as GI Joe,
the group prevents the theft and whisks our heroes to safety. Duke and
Ripcord use Duke's prior knowledge of The Baroness (Siena Miller) to
gain admittance into this top-secret organization. Can the Joes stop
this mysterious terrorist network from using the nanobot technology to
settle a four-hundred year-old vendetta, or will McCullen and his
venomous plans lead the world to destruction?

Look, none of this is intended to be high art, but the film mostly
works in ways that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen could only
dream about. The difference is that this adaptation from a popular 80s
toy line actually gives moviegoers what they came to see. Rather than
pad a few action beats with overly contrived exposition, crude ethnic
stereotypes, and vulgar sexual slapstick, director Stephen Summers
stays strictly business for most of the film's brisk 118-minute
running time. You want a film about bad ass GI Joes facing off against
the organization that will eventually become Cobra? That's exactly
what you get. You want memorable villains and square-jawed heroes?
You've got at least half a dozen notable heroes and at least five
representatives of evil (which is key to having an exciting action
scene, so you always have someone familiar to cut to). You want high
adventure and action scenes that give you stunts that you've never
seen before? There's a 10-15 minute chase scene through Paris, the
only one involving those infamous 'accelerator suits', that is
absolutely breathtaking both in its logistics and its narrative logic.
Yes the collateral damage in this scene is astonishing, but I never
cared about innocent bystanders when I played with my action figures
either. Frankly, the picture is every bit as violent, gruesome, and as
corpse-ridden as the action dramas I mapped out when I was ten-years
old, which makes me shocked that it got a PG-13.

Considering the source material, the plot makes a surprising amount of
sense, give or take a few minor plot holes (it helps that the
storyline is as simple as possible). While the film is mainly bereft
of clever dialogue, it also wins points for not trying to be
particularly witty or self-satisfyingly clever. These are adults who
deal in the business of death, and they only crack wise when they need
a distraction from the bullets or explosions. While the film doesn't
particularly take itself seriously, it also refuses to wink at the
audience. While no one in the cast will put this at the top of their
highlight reel, only Sienna Miller and Channing Tatum offer what might
be called mediocre performances. Most refreshing is the treatment of
the female characters. While both Scarlett (Rachel Nichols) and the
Baroness are acknowledged as very attractive women, they neither give
or receive special treatment in the action scenes. Both inflict and
take severe punishment and Summers never does the whole 'wow, it's
girls kicking ass... how progressive!' bit that so many others stoop
to.

There are four major action set-pieces, and each one both moves the
plot along and gives each major character a specific purpose and role.
Unlike other ensemble films where the big star got most if not all of
the major action beats (think Mission: Impossible 3 or The Kingdom),
every Joe and every 'not-yet-Cobra' villain gets various highlight
moments. You get ninja duels (Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow go at it
several times), crossbow shoot-outs, fights to the death above high
precipices, vehicle chases, and everything else you want to see in a
movie like this. Unfortunately, the kinetic blast that carries the
film right up to the climax is undone by a screenwriting trap that
cannot be plausibly be written out of. First of all, there is a lack
of suspense in the climax, as we are given several heroes and villains
who more or less cannot be killed for the sake of the eventual sequel.
Furthermore, the token attempt at back story creates a quagmire that
causes several increasingly stupid climactic revelations. This
climaxes in the neutering of a major fan-favorite character that will
likely infuriate hardcore fans.

But for at least that initial ninety-minutes or so, the movie is an
effective action-adventure spectacle. This is absolutely a GI Joe
movie in the sense that the kid in us only dreamed about seeing
onscreen. It works despite its flaws and inherent silliness. It's fun,
exciting, occasionally eye-popping, and completely entertaining. It
has great actors (Christopher Eccleston, Jonathan Pryce, Dennis Quaid)
hamming it up and inventive action scenes that are worth seeing on a
big screen. How can you not love a movie that casts famous Brit
Jonathan Pryce as the President of the United States and lets him keep
his accent? But in a movie like this, getting the action adventure
basics just right is half the battle right there. I think you can
guess what the other 50% is.

Grade: B