Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

[Scott Mendelson]

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
2009
107 minutes
Rated PG-13

by Scott Mendelson

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is a film that has no particular reason for
existing. It tells the background story behind a major character from
the X-Men film franchise. But Wolverine was the lead character of said
films, and we've already learned everything we need to know from the
films in said franchise (like The Powerpuff Girls Movie, it is a
feature length variation of an origin story that we already knew). And
the extra information given here actually serves to make the character
of Logan/Wolverine less interesting. It's not necessarily that a
character like Wolverine is better when his past is left a mystery, so
much of that past that is revealed here is so astoundingly
conventional, uncompelling, and completely cliché. In a time when even
bad comic book films like The Spirit have a certain 'are you kidding
me?' nerve, Wolverine is shocking in its adherence to formula and lack
of imagination.

A token amount of plot: Born with mutant powers that consisted of
healing abilities, unnaturally slow aging, and the ability to pop
boney claws out of his hands, the man who would be Wolverine finds
himself at home on one war-torn killing field after another, along
with his friend and apparent brother Victor Creed/Sabretooth (a
slumming Liv Shreiber, who does so little with the role that they
should have just rehired Tyler Mane). After they are captured and
unsuccessfully executed during the Vietnam War, they are both
recruited into a super secret black-ops program known as Weapon X. Led
by the mysterious William Stryker (Danny Huston, as the man who would
be Brian Cox in X2: X-Men United), this band of super powered
assassins proves too much for Logan, and he quits after Creed murders
innocent civilians in an operation. Six years later, Stryker tracks
down Logan with the information that someone is apparently murdering
members of his old team. But before you can say Commando, the
insidious plot hits close to home, shattering Logan's world and
putting him on a course to become the steel-clawed superhero we know
and love.

The resulting film is every bit as predictable and dull as the
information imparted above. The entire film is a muted, oddly lifeless
affair. Without knowledge of the behind the scenes struggles between
Fox and director Gavin Hood, I cannot say who is truly to blame. But
the filmmakers seem to be under the impression that 'dark and moody'
means visually gray and woodenly acted. Hugh Jackman does what he can
with the character that he so obviously adores, but the bland,
expository dialogue and routine storytelling leave him adrift. For all
the blather about presenting a darker, more animalistic Wolverine,
Logan is still the conflicted but generally morally sound do-gooder
that he is in the X-Men pictures. Actually, within his element, he's
actually far less menacing than he was in the first X-Men, where he
theoretically posed a genuine threat to the children of Xavier's
institute. He may occasionally kill his opponents, especially while at
war, but he is friendly to kind-hearted older people and is no threat
unless attacked first. In the end, the legendary Logan is rendered no
more savage or dangerous than Jason Statham on a bad day.

That brings up another issue, which is the lack of memorable action
set pieces. While the X-Men pictures were not legendary action-fests,
they were rooted in quality storytelling and character-driven drama.
Since those components are so lacking here, it would be up to the
fights and chases to merit actually viewing this picture. But there
are really only two even competent set-pieces. The first-act black-ops
take down resembles a deleted scene from Spawn. The only action scenes
of note are the climax and a mid-film chase involving a motorcycle
against several hummers and helicopters. But, alas, every single gag
in the mid-film chase has been revealed in the trailers. The already
short running time is padded with several fights between Wolverine and
fan-favorite cameos. Did anyone really want to see Logan boxing Blob?
As for Gambit, he barely appears and exists only to appease the few
and vocal. His fight scene with Logan is especially amusing, as it
causes tons of property damage without comment, and because it quickly
becomes a classic 'neither of us want to lose, but the fans want to
see us fight' smack down, resulting in no real outcome and no story
advancement (see The Forbidden Kingdom for another example).

So the action is more or less dull, the writing feels like a bad
television pilot, and the acting is barely perfunctory. To make
matters worse, a few would-be plot twists seem specifically designed
to aggravate the very hardcore fans that would theoretically flock to
this picture. The climax, for reasons that I won't reveal, will
absolutely infuriate devotees of a specific fan-favorite character
(for comparison, imagine if, at the end of Spider-Man 3, Eddie Brock
turned into The Vulture). A couple future X-Men make brief
appearances, but their roles in the narrative ends up contradicting
explicit X-Men continuity. The cameo that is revealed in the previews
is especially odd, as Scott Summers finally gets a moment to shine, in
a Wolverine spin-off of all things. This is of course ironic since
Cyclops constantly had his story lines muted or stolen in the X-Men
pictures by filmmakers who wanted to emphasize Wolverine at all costs.

Between Deadpool, Sabretooth, Gambit, Agent Zero, and Kestrel, 20th
Century Fox could have started a whole new Weapon X franchise. Alas,
none of these characters are even remotely developed. Dominic Monaghan
has a moment of bitterness and regret as a light-controlling mutant
named 'Bolt', but he's brushed offscreen right before he gets
interesting. None of the other c-level X-universe characters make any
such impact, and nonfans will struggle to remember their names as the
credits role. Ironically, this is as much of a franchise killer as
Stephen Summer's Van Helsing (which also starred Hugh Jackman), which
wrecked the film making potential of the entire Universal monsters
library for several years afterward.

It's been awhile since such a major tent pole picture that felt so
lifeless and ordinary. The plot and story are Mad Libs by the book.
The writing is shockingly lazy with even the simplest details (certain
supporting characters are rarely if ever referred to by their names,
leaving the audience wondering who they are), and the action scenes
vary between dreadfully dull, completely pointless, and utterly
ridiculous. This film is the kind of bland and boring assembly line
product that makes me appreciate the ambitious comic book films that I
didn't care for (Spider-Man 3, Superman Returns, The Spirit, etc) and
it makes me a little less hostile toward the lousy comic book
adventures that at least had a junky spark (think Ghost Rider or Judge
Dredd). Tragically for all involved, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is the
worst major comic book adaptation since Catwoman.

Grade: D