Review: 2012 (2009)

[Steve Rhodes]

2012
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2009 Steve Rhodes

RATING (0 TO ****):  ***

Easily the best bad movie in years, 2012 is hilariously over the top. 
Although its incredibly bloated 160 minute running time is filled with long, 
dead sections, the movie sparkles and awes in its truly incredible special 
effects shots filled with all manner of disasters.

Rarely has the end of the world looked this spectacular and been this much 
fun. If mankind is to go out in a blaze of glory, 2012 points the way. Of 
course, not everyone will die; otherwise, the movie would be such a downer 
that a major studio could never be able to sell enough tickets to recoup the 
production's cost, which, in the case of 2012, must have been enormous.

2012's director Roland Emmerich has a lot of experience with big budget 
extravaganzas, such as his best film ever, INDEPENDENCE DAY. His movies work 
best when they don't take themselves too seriously. THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW 
was a disastrous disaster movie, because it acted liked it believed all of 
its pseudo-scientific messages. 2012, on the other hand, always has its 
tongue planted firmly in its cheek. And, lest there be any question about 
how serious the story is to be taken, Emmerich lets Woody Harrelson ham it 
up for all he's worth as a bizarre mountain man named Charlie Frost, who is 
a complete lunatic and a prophet of sorts.

The science, such as it is, behind the narrative concerns record solar 
eruptions. With the sun bombarding the earth with neutrinos on steroids, the 
earth's core starts melting, which causes some major global warming. The 
continents shift dramatically. Earthquakes, tidal waves and volcanoes appear 
everywhere.

The most ridiculous part of the plot is that, while it's obvious to the 
audience that the end is near, Earth's inhabitants don't quite get it. 
Meanwhile, the world's governments manage to create a gigantic plan to deal 
with the coming Armageddon -- and keep it all a secret for 3 years after the 
story starts in 2009.

In his worse performance to date, Danny Glover (LETHAL WEAPON) plays the 
president. Acting clueless and incompetent, Glover's President Thomas Wilson 
doesn't act like the leader of the free world, so it's not clear why any of 
the foreign leaders follow his advice.

Much better is Oliver Platt as Carl Anheuser, a presidential aide ready to 
make the tough choices to save mankind. Sure, he's a bit cutthroat, but he 
has a clear vision of what needs to be done and is willing sacrifice people 
if need be.

The star of the movie is John Cusack, who plays an obscure author named 
Jackson Curtis. Curtis makes his living as a limo driver for a Russian 
billionaire. The world starts to rapidly fall apart when Curtis, a single 
dad with an attractive ex (Amanda Peet as Kate), takes his two kids (played 
by Liam James and Morgan Lily) camping in Yellowstone. This national park 
turns out to be ground zero of some secret government activities.

Soon Curtis is back home in L.A. driving his limo over and around sink holes 
that swallow cars, then houses and soon entire skyscrapers. It's great fun 
that feels very much like a high end ride at an amusement park.

The movie is full of wonderfully cheesy lines. Just after Kate, talking 
about relationships, remarks to her husband in the grocery store, "Honey, I 
feel like there is something pulling us apart," a humongous crack in the 
earth opens right between the two of them. And, please don't get me started 
on the saccharine last act, filled with cheap emotions and one illogical 
action after another.

But, hey, pass the popcorn. Death and destruction have rarely been this much 
fun.

2012 runs way, way too long at 2:40. It is rated PG-13 for "intense disaster 
sequences and some language" and would be acceptable for kids around 9 and 
up.

My son Jeffrey, age 20, gave it ***, saying that there were so many things 
wrong with the movie but he liked it anyway. He thought it was over the top, 
stupid and a complete blast. Jeffrey's friend, R.T., also 20, agreed 
completely.

The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, November 13, 2009. 
In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Cinemark 
theaters and the Camera Cinemas.

Web: http://www.InternetReviews.com
Email: Steve.Rhodes at InternetReviews.com

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