Retrospective: The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

[Dan N.]

After waiting for years to watch the caper movie "The Whole Nine
Yards" (2000), I finally got the chance and was very amused by the
film, in spite of the many complications that could exist only in a
screenwriter's fevered imagination, not in real life.

That, I think, may be one reason the film was made.  It makes no
sense; NONE... and yet, director Jonathan Lynn -- who also helmed one
of the best comedies of the 1990s, "My Cousin Vinny"  -- somehow made
this amoral, farcical exercise in tough yucks memorable and funny.

One reason this merry melange works is suggested in Roger Ebert's
review.  Ebert, the dean of American film critics, wrote:

"[W]e suspect that the actors are barely suppressing giggles. This is
the kind of standard material everyone could do in lockstep, but you
sense inner smiles, and you suspect the actors are enjoying
themselves."

Consider the basic plot.  Nick Oseransky -- known affectionately as Oz
and played by Matthew Perry -- is a straight-arrow dentist, living in
a Montreal suburb with his insufferable French-Canadian wife Sophie
(Roseanne Arquette), who not-so-secretly wants her husband dead.  Oz,
already saddled with a bad marriage and huge debts, doesn't need any
more stress in his life.  So, naturally, here comes more trouble -- in
the presence of a professional hitman, Jimmy Tudeski (Bruce Willis),
who moves in next door.

The plot snowballs from there, with Oz going to Chicago (at Sophie's
insistence) to rat out Tudeski to his former mob acquaintances, while
at the same time his faithless wife is alerting the mob to whack Oz,
so she can collect on his life insurance.  Meanwhile, Oz' dental
assistant, a beauty named Jill (Amanda Peet), salivates at the thought
of meeting a real hit man, for she is attracted to their exciting
lifestyle and may want to become a profesional hit (wo)man herself
someday.  She meets Jimmy and tells him of the ongoing double-cross,
and he takes her in as his assistant.

Meanwhile, in Chicago, Oz meets not only the mob boss Janni Gogolak
(Kevin Pollak), but also Jimmy's estranged wife Cynthia (Natasha
Henstridge), a tall beauty who is being held hostage by the Gogolak
gang.  For no discernible reason other than to keep the plot moving,
Oz falls head over heels in love with the statuesque Cynthia.  One of
the film's funniest lines comes when Oz and Cynthia go to bed
together.

She says:  "Be gentle, will you?  I haven't made love in five years."

His response:  "Neither have I.  (pause.)  I've been married."

In a thriller/comedy/farce like this, you can expect dozens of
interlocking plot strands and several comic pratfalls... and that's
just what you get.

In an inspired moment, Jimmy fends off a gang of hoods out to get him
by stationing a very naked Jill at the front window.  As the gunmen
stop and drool at this sudden distraction, Jimmy opens fire, killing
all but one of them.  Jill then coolly polishes off the last guy,
who's still transfixed by the vision of her nude body.

After the carnage, Jimmy calmly says to Jill:  "Okay, you can get
dressed now."

If you think I've given you all the spoilers in this farcical movie,
relax.  I haven't even skimmed the surface.  There are many other
comical moments, especially those involving Oz' faithless wife Sophie
and the very large hit man Frankie Figs (Michael Clarke Duncan), who
is the size of an oak tree but, in the end, doesn't know where to
pledge his allegiance.  You'll have to see it to find out.

And, although "The Whole Nine Yards" involves a lot of homicide, some
of it justifiable and some not, it treats the whole killing spree like
a big joke.  The subject is dead serious, of course.  But the cast
isn't taking it seriously, they are having a ball with this material.
So will you.

Comments to:
daneldorado at yahoo.com